Things I Still Feel Mom Guilt About (Even Though I Know I Shouldn’t)

Mom guilt is such a prominent thing in our society. It sneaks in everywhere. Even when you logically know you’re doing your best. Even when you know your child is happy, safe, and loved.

It’s funny how you can be completely confident in your choices one minute, and then question yourself the next.

These are some of the things I still feel guilty about. Not because they’re wrong. But because somewhere along the way, we were taught that mothers are supposed to give everything, all the time, without ever needing anything for themselves.

Screen Time

Screen time is part of my village.

I need it some mornings so I can get ready for work. I know some people choose the 8-minute episodes, but if it’s anything less than 20 minutes, it’s not enough for me to actually get ready. It’s not enough time to drink my coffee while it’s still warm. It’s not enough time to exist as a person before becoming everything to everyone else.

And the truth is, he’s happy. He’s learning. He’s laughing.

The TV isn’t replacing me. It’s supporting me.

And supported moms are better moms.

Leaving Him with His Dad

This one feels the silliest.

And maybe that’s why it holds so much weight.

Until recently, I never really left Walter alone with Paul unless I had to. Photography sessions. Work obligations. Things that felt “valid.”

But leaving to get my nails done? To go to the gym? To wander Target or go thrifting for no reason other than I wanted to? That felt… selfish.

I’m starting to realize it isn’t.

They deserve that one-on-one time together. And I deserve time to be alone with myself.

My photography business was the first thing that pushed me out the door. It showed me that they would be okay without me for a few hours.

Now I’m realizing that “I want to get gas and then go thrifting” is a good enough reason, too.

I don’t need to earn my time away.

Daycare

We need daycare. I know that.

But I’m still one of the first to drop him off most mornings. And some days, I’m not there until almost 5pm to pick him up.

Part of that is my new full-time job and being in the office more.

Part of that is because sometimes I go home first. Sometimes I sneak in a workout. Sometimes I sit in the quiet for a few minutes.

And I carry guilt for that.

Even though when I pick him up, he’s always playing. Always laughing. Always having a good time with his friends.

He isn’t sitting by the window waiting for me all day.

He’s living his own little life.

And maybe that’s not something to feel guilty about.

Maybe that’s something to feel grateful for.

Not Loving to Cook

I hate cooking.

I wish I didn’t. I wish I was the mom who made fun, creative meals with hidden vegetables and cute little shapes.

But I’m not.

When the pediatrician asks if he eats a balanced diet, I always feel like it’s my fault when I say he doesn’t really eat vegetables.

But he eats meat. Pasta. Fruit. Mac and cheese, obviously.

He’s fed. He’s growing. He’s healthy.

And I’m learning that maybe love doesn’t look like homemade meals every night.

Maybe sometimes love looks like frozen nuggets and sitting together at the table anyway.

Doing Chores Instead of Playing

I used to feel guilty every time I chose chores over playing.

But I’m starting to realize something.

We aren’t meant to entertain our kids every second of the day.

I’ll sit down and play with him. I’ll help him start something. I’ll be there.

But then I step away.

I fold laundry. I empty the dishwasher. I do the things that keep our life moving.

And from the sidelines, I encourage him.

I’m trying to help him learn independence. To learn how to exist in his own imagination.

Especially as an only child, that can be hard.

But it’s important.

And it doesn’t mean I love him any less.

The Truth About Mom Guilt

I think mom guilt exists because we care so deeply.

Because we want to do it right.

Because we love them so much it physically hurts sometimes.

But I’m starting to learn that being a good mom isn’t about being everything.

It’s about being human.

It’s about showing them what it looks like to take care of yourself, too.

It’s about letting them see that you are a person, not just their mother.

And maybe one day, they won’t remember the screen time.

Or the daycare hours.

Or the frozen dinners.

Maybe they’ll just remember that they were loved.

And maybe that was always enough.